I'll Do Me, You Do You...
I'll Do Me, You Do You.............
I don't care what you think. I don't care how you feel about it. I don't care about what you want me to do, how you want me to feel, or how you see me. I am me. If you don't like what you see... walk away. I don't care. I want to be me, and dammit I am going to do just that. I need to be happy and satisfied with me. Shit, I don't even know me. Who am I? I am me. I don't care about material things. Money is a necessary thing.... and I only want enough to let me live. I am just an ordinary person wanting to be happy, wanting to be loved. I guess that's why it is so hard to find true love without being fake. It's true. You want someone to love you so bad that you do things that aren't you. You finally get them to love you, and a year or two later it is over because you get comfortable, and you show your true colors. Oh, you never though about it that way? The truth hurts. So quit telling me I should do this, I should buy that, I should feel this.... I'll do me, You do you.
Ever since I started feeling this way I have been quite lonely. This makes me wonder who are really friends of mine. Who is fake, who is real? I haven't had a real relationship in a while, and it's getting old. Do I really need to be something other than myself to be accepted? To be loved? Let me see... my parents don't love me, my extended family doesn't love me, my friends don't love me, I have no potential relationship on the horizon, and I don't really believe that I love myself. Maybe I am just unlovable. I mean I love others, and when I mean love... I mean I would do anything for them. ANYTHING. I love my Mom(even though she may not know it), I love my sister( her ex-boyfriend learned this the hard way last week), I love my friends... Reed, Shaf, Joe, Mags, Brew, Brandon, Kev, Lauren, Alex... and a certain girl that will remain nameless.
Don't think that I am looking for any kind of sympathy here. I am used to this life that I have made for myself. I don't let people get close to me anymore because I am scared of being hurt (thanks dad). Well whatever..............
posted by djshawn at 7:45 PM
4 Comments:
That is sad. I know where you come from...afraid of being hurt, afraid to let people in and know the real you. I was there once (a long time ago now). It can change, there is someone out there who will love you, just for you. How trite does that sound? All cliche, no substance. No, but since you don't even know me, and this is my first comment will it make a difference. I hope so. No sympathy. Empathy, yes. It can change...it did for me. But you will need to change too. Can you do that?
Shawn,
You are searching for answer for some deep questions and issues here. Even though it may seem painful, and lonely, this is a good thing. You are questioning what is real, finding that a lot isn't. But in time, you will find the real.
Regarding love, I recommend the book Love 101 by Peter McWilliams. Also, read my blog, look in the January Archive, Jan 24, to read a poem he wrote.
Keep searching.
Wow.. That was intense. And I agree and relate to almost everything you've said.Too bad I didn't ahve anything profound to say, or something smart. My brains just not working today. I guess Im in a sour mood.
But great post!
I think I heard myself before saying something like your last statement, "I don't let people get close to me anymore because I am scared of being hurt." I tried to live up to this kind of idea but I didn't make it. And I'm happy I didn't and let some people came in. We all have different views anyway.
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