Title has been deleted due to subjects request
This part has been deleted at request of the subject. Sorry.Why does she have me up at this absurd time? She doesn't even know I am up, she doesn't know how I feel, she doesn't know what she wants. And there you have it...
Let me explain a little bit, and maybe someone out there can tell me what to do...
I care about this girl an awful lot, I've told her this a time or two, and I would do about anything for her. We started off very friend-like, nothing serious at all, and we both had reasons for being weary and cautious. We both been hurt before, so there was a constant worry of being hurt again. I would drive to her house after a long day of work, sit on an opposite couch and watch a movie, or just sit and talk while watching TV. It was kinda odd and uncomfortable for a while, but there was nowhere I'd rather be. We went to the movies a couple of times, went to see a ballgame... nothing major, but good times. See I had to be careful, I could not afford to get hurt again this soon. I was afraid. Once and awhile, she would ask what we were... I never had an answer. I was on may way to her house one night, and she called me in tears and told me it was not a good night for me to come over. Her ex-boyfriend called her, and he was with another girl. I knew how she was feeling, so instead of going home... I stopped and got her some flowers and took them to her. I could tell she been crying, but she managed a smile. I went home hoping I had made her feel better, even for a few minutes. We agreed that as long as there were no others getting our kisses... we needed no title. Things were good.
It's about a month later now, and I have seen her twice since then. I have tried everything in my power to talk to her... at first it would be just like "Hey, I haven't talked to you in a few days, give me a call". A week of that, and it turned to "Hey, it's me... I haven't talked to you in a while, and was wondering if you found someone new, or decided to stop talking to me.... call me". See, I decided to be friends first so if things didn't work out, we would still have the friendship. So, another week goes by and I see her online. "Hi".... nothing. She signs off. This happened about three or four nights in a row. I decided I must have done something wrong to deserve this treatment. I call one of my friends at her work place, and ask him to relay a message for her to call me. She laughs at the idea. My last resort was to write her an email telling her how I feel, just laying it all out there, how much I missed her, and I was sorry if I did something to hurt her. That I would love to talk to her, if she could give me a minute or two. the response I got was something like this.....
Shawn,
I am sorry. It's nothing you did. I didn't mean to hurt you.
Love, Me
Well, anyone that knows me knows I will not give up on something, especially if it's something or someone I believe in. So, she comes online tonight, and I ask her if we can talk some more (we talked briefly the night before ). We start talking, and I ask if I can see her. She says she isn't sure, and tries to convince me again that I did nothing wrong. I tell her I care about her, and I am not mad. She tried, the night before, to tell me that she is not anything that special, and that I should just forget it. Well, last time I checked it was my decision how I felt. Here is how most of the conversation went....
ME: Should I just walk away?
HER: I don't know what I want.
HER: Shawn, there is someone else.
Now I suspected this, and have even asked her..... no response. I got one now.... out of nowhere.
ME: Oh
ME: Should I just walk away?
HER: I don't know what I want.
Well I suppose if it was me she wanted I would have heard from her in the past few weeks.
ME: I care about you and I wish you could see that. I would do anything for you. I want you to be happy.
ME: And anything means walking away if I must. I don't want to interfere.
HER: It's new. Can't I have friends?
ME: Absolutely. But , you said it like "There is someone else".
ME: I wish you knew how I feel, I'll let you be.... Good Luck.
HER: What now you are running away?
ME: I don't know what else to do, I am afraid of this hurting me more.
ME: If you want to talk, call me before you go to bed.
The call never came.
Now, I care about this girl so much, she doesn't know the half of it. I am confused on what i should do. I don't want to interfere in this other thing she has going on... but, then again, I don't even want that other thing going on. I miss her so much. What should I do? Please leave a suggestion in the comments below!
posted by djshawn at 8:20 AM
10 Comments:
You need to go get her.... it's obvious that she doesn't want you to walk away! Don't be a jackass!
even if she's feeling confused, it seems like subconsciously, she wants you to fight for her. speaking from experience, sometimes a girl will want to be wooed unrelentingly, to know that her guy would do anything to get her. once i had a boyfriend and while we were going out i kept wondering if he really cared much about me instead of just wanting me around because there was nothing better to do. i started to remember another guy i had liked and started thinking-- he seemed so much more invested in caring FOR me. so i started to doubt and get confused. i told my boyfriend. he said he loved me but wanted to let me make the decision. he didn't fight for me and let me go... you know, "if you love them let them go." well it didn't work, because he got angry that i didn't come right back to him, and i got angry that he let me go so willingly. he never tried to get me again. and to this day, i know if i went back to him he'd want to be with me. but i never would, because he didn't care enough to completely selfless ... or silly... depending on the way you look at it.
needless to say, don't let her go off thinking she's got all the answers. you might have some too.
Okay here is what I'm getting from it. Maybe she thinks there is a possibility of a future with you (and that may scare her), but then there is this other guy who perhaps she likes more than you (at the moment), but isn't sure if there will be a future with him. So to be on the safe side, she keeps you hanging... wanting you, and not wanting you at the exact same time. Confusing, I know. But it somehow all makes sense in my mind! I wouldn't give up on her... just make sure you don't make her feel like she is being pushed, or pressured. But I would let her know exactly how you feel. I don't believe a day should pass without someone knowing how you feel about them. You are never guranteed tomorrow, so do all you can today :)
Shawn, Shawn, Shawn...
I'm gonna be blunt with you and save you some heartache.
You're the guy she calls to help her move, not the guy she wants to have hot sweaty sex with.
Deep down, she knows you want much more than friendship and she isn't that interested in you that way.
She's backing off because she knows that it'll freak you out when she hooks up with another guy. And she doesn't know how to just tell you.
She wants you to be the shoulder she cries on, the one who builds her confidence back up... so she can go sleep with the guy she's really attracted to.
It's not you.
Don't be the pathetic guy who'll do anything for her and wait around for months nurturing your slim hope she can be your girlfriend. Find the girl who can't wait to rip your clothes off. Then, if you still want to, be Rose's friend... and you'll be less clingy (and much less sexually frustrated since you have a real girlfriend).
Deep in your heart, you know I'm right.
DG
Maybe she wants you, but maybe she wants you as "THE FRIEND or someone else but not the ultimate lover." In my opinion, if you really love someone, you shouldn't even be confused when you meet another one. So she may not be confused. She likes someone else, and she likes you to stay for her. I hate to say this, but it seems like you're a reservation. I've known people acting like this. They go with other guys and yet they keep the other ones hoping. No hard feelings ok? You asked for a comment, there it goes. That's a personal opinion and I don't mean to judge her. That's just what I think as I read your entry. Enough for that sad yadda yadda, cheer up. Now you know what love means. Few people know this.
Oh GOD oh GOD!
This girl has baggage, Im sorry, but ive been through very similar things, some so bad as to motivate some of my friends to write about them.
But the lesson here is that this girl has NO idea what she wants, the romantics here will tell you to go after her, but the truth is, every time you see her, your heart will throb, your head will pound, and then it will be all smashed, day after day , as she 'decides' what she wants. Learn the lessons from that EXBF project dude. And for future note, if anyone says "I dont want us to be called boyfriend and girlfriend" after you have been together for an extended period, ITS BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
I pretty much agree with the second "anonymous" advice.
And if there is any hope at all -there is no chance if you hang on groveling for little bits of interest/attention from her. Deep down a girl never respects that--she apreciates it in a "be there for me" way, but not in the sense you truly hope for.
Hey thanks for the comment on my post.
Sorry to read about your predicament. Unfortunately I also have to agree with the second anonymous commenter. “She's backing off because she knows that it'll freak you out when she hooks up with another guy. And she doesn't know how to just tell you.” It sounds like she's walking on egg shells instead of just bluntly telling you she is not interested. Sadly girls (and I am sure a fair share of guys as well) don’t realize that trying to protect someone’s feelings instead of just being blunt can actually do more damage. She’s giving you false hope either intentionally or not, but the best advise I can give you is to move on. Besides, a truly great relationship shouldn't need such a one-sided effort. There’s cat and mouse flirtation, and then there’s you’re bordering on stalker material. I don’t think you want to be the latter.
Dude,
Thanks for coming by my site and commenting because I came to yours to check it out. So I just had to comment on your "Rose" situation. Funny that you named it that because I have a Rose Situation as well. Well, Rose is her middle name. My Rose situation has lasted nine years. I tell myself that it took Harry and Sally 11 years finally to come together, but you know, I think I'm tired of waiting and putting up with her shit. I deserve better. And from this sounds of your situation so do you.
The key line is wjere she said, "I wish you knew how I feel, so I'll let you be. . ." What the fuck is that shit!?! Bitch, if you wanted him to know how you felt you'd call him and TELL HIM!! Do you think he works for the Psychic friend's hotline or perhaps have a direct phone line to Sylvia Browne?!
Sorry to call your Rose a bitch, but the lack of consideration for you frustrates me.
Anyway, I'm excited to that you found my blog as I look forward to reading through yours. Go ahead and link to mine because I'll put a link to yours in the coming days. Take Care!!
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