It's That Time of Year....Again.

Yeah, it's halfway over.... that's what I keep trying to tell myself. Most people start their countdown near midnight on New Years' Eve.... I start mine the day before Thanksgiving. See, I can't wait for the holidays to be over, they never go fast enough. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years' are all great times... don't get me wrong, but they are all family holidays..... something I don't have. It's great when you have a nice, close family.... you all get together on Thanksgiving, you get to see people you haven't had the chance to in awhile, you get to eat great food, watch football with the guys.... and go home stuffed, and loved. It's great. Christmas brings all the parties.... you go to the aunts' on one night, you go to grandmas' on another, then everyone comes to your house. You exchange gifts, you drink, you laugh, you love. Once again, it's great. I guess New Years' is more for friends than family... but alot of families go to dinner to talk about the year, the good, the bad, and all the unreal resolutions for the year to come.

It's a little different for me..... see, I don't do any of those things. Why? Well, the one common factor in all those things is family. I don't have one of those. Never really did. Not alot of you guys know my past.... I usually like it that way. You want to know what makes me who I am? My family... or lack thereof. I have no childhood memories before the age of nine.... I've blocked them out for some reason, probably to protect myself. I cannot remember once in my life hearing "I Love You" from my mother or my father. No lie. Not once. I never knew what love was until about five years ago.... matter of fact, I am still unsure. I have tried many times to reconcile relations with my family.... but, nothing will ever come of that, as long as the other side is unwilling to admit they made some mistakes. Listen, I know you read this sometimes..... say you are sorry for some stuff, say you love me, do something before it is too late.... I don't want to go through this again next year, I don't know if I can. I don't want to cry in the middle of the day for no apparent reason, I don't want to cry myself to sleep, I don't want to hurt anymore. Can you understand that I am half a person because of this emptiness? Please, just pick up the phone and call me.

I been in a funk lately.... I guess you may be able to see why now. I sometimes just want to sleep all day.... see, if I am sleeping... I can't think of these things. I am depressed right now. I miss Ben. I miss my family.

"More Than Anyone"

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
Before I see you again
What can I say to convince you
To change your mind of me?
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
Look in my eyes, what do you see?
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me all you need and I will try
I will try
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
Free for you, whenever you need
We'll be free together baby
Free together baby
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to love you more than anyone